An Analogy of Grief

I am reading a novel*, where in it there is a character suffering a recent loss.  A shaman offers him an analogy…….”Grief is like the wake behind a boat.  It starts out as a huge wave that follows close behind you and is big enough to swamp and drown you if you suddenly stop moving forward.  But if you do keep moving, the big wake will eventually dissipate.  And after a long enough time, the waters of your life get calm again, and that is when the memories of those who have left begin to shine as bright and as enduring as the stars above.”

It is the moving forward, not being consumed by the wave of grief that is the key, move forward into a new life.  A changed life, one you hadn’t planned on and yet, find yourself living.  “Life goes on.”  This statement, I hate.  Life goes on.  Yes, it is true, but I find coldness between these words.  Whereas, moving forward out of the wake of grief towards something, is positive and motivational; versus a life that goes on without your loved one, forcing you to endure a different unwanted life.  It is amazing to me how differently I see these two thoughts.  Life goes on (alone) or the shaman’s advice of moving forward into shining enduring memories.  This is the advice I hope to deal out or to live by should I need to console or to experience in the future. 

For now, I find myself reaching for the shining stars above.  As I reread my journey, I identify with this analogy.  It completely describes my movements.  My grief was wicked, but my seas have calmed.  I try not to stop on the waters, occasionally I find myself sinking into a wave, but it is easier to swim out of it now.  What a relief to be strong enough to swim forward.  As I write this, I look out my window, it is a beautiful winter night, but how the stars are shining.

(*A Salty Piece of Land by Jimmy Buffett, Little, Brown and Co. Time Warner Book Group)