What I have noticed since Partner's poor prognosis of cancer is that people don't want to accept my bad news. Being an extroverted personality, I process by sharing my thoughts and feelings. As soon as I tell my bad news: "Partner has cancer, it doesn't look good," I immediately get story after story about so and so had a dog and it lived 12 years with lymphoma, or I had a dog with hemangiosarcoma and it lived 6 years after the diagnosis or Partner will beat it, he'll be just fine. What I have found is that people want it to be good news, not bad news. They want that happy ending. What is leaves in it's place, is me feeling like a heal for saying the facts, no, not this time, it is bad, he won't live much longer, he feels great now, but it is a matter of a short time left. Then they argue with me. But the truth is, hemangiosarcomas are bad. If you get the correct diagnosis from the lab, it is a matter of time before the next tumor ruptures and they bleed out. It is almost always a matter of a few months. But it is possible that you don't get the right diagnosis. I was talking today with Dr. Eckert, Partner's vet, and he was saying how over the years, he has seen many a wrong diagnosis from the labs. This is when it makes it look like a dog with hemangiosarcomas lives for 12 years, when in matter of fact, it was only a hematoma on the spleen and it was curred when the spleen was removed and then, the dog can live out its life. Or on the flip side, you get the hematoma diagnosis, no cancer, and the dog dies in 2 months. Oops again on the lab. So, what I have started to do, when people want the miracle, is to agree and thank those who are wishing their happy ending on my dog. What I needed was a sympathetic ear, a listener to help me process my sad story. But what people need is to fix it, make it better. It was two months ago, yesterday since Partner's surgery. Since that day, he has gone to two dog shows, finished his 1/2 MACH, filled his crate with blue ribbons from preferred agility when I moved him down to an easier level. He goes with me as often as I can take him, he has done his tricks for many, snuggled and licked to his hearts content with a few. He gets all the bowls and spoons to lick, he has gone on some fund raiser walks and does his obedience on a regular basis, it is play for him. He is enjoying life. But his body is covered with tumors, there are at least 12 as big as a peach pit, one on his shoulder as big as two fists, multiple blue lesions on his skin and the color of his gums is very pale. But it is still a happy ending, for now. He is mine, I love him, he is playing, eating and getting the best spot on the bed. So I don't know if it will be tonight or next week when I lose him. I am preparing. But if I see you tonight, I will agree, he might be beating the odds, but look closer, I may be shaking my head in agreement, but I am crying inside. I dread tomorrow or next week. But I do still get my happy ending: Partner has touched my life, my heart squeezes when I look into his eyes. I always say that he hangs on my eyes with his own. He wants to know what I am saying, what I am thinking. This I will miss. I will miss everything about him. Thanks for listening.
