As dog owners and trainers, we know
that our dogs need several things to be good, content and happy. If our dog’s needs are met then we will have
achieved our goal. It is well known that
dogs need exercise; how much will depend on the dog and what it was bred to do
initially. We know that they need to be
healthy, because a sick dog can be irritable and that can cause behavior
problems in and of itself. Of course
they need social time, with us or with other dogs. This can include training because we all know
that if a dog isn’t trained there is no happiness in store for us as dog owners
and the dogs may not then have a job to do.
But what does every dog really need a certain amount of to really be
content? Face time.
What is face time? It is giving your dog your face. Giving your dog your time and building a
special bond between the two of you.
Eye content and facial expressions shared, moments that your dog knows
are only for him or her. Your time and
attention, your face, this is what I mean by face time.
I have had many dogs over the
years. Since childhood there have always
been dogs in my life. They weren’t
always my dogs, but they were special to me and I to them. Just as I hope this is true of you. What makes this the case? It is the time you spend with them that makes
a dog your dog. But not just time –
time, but quality time.
I came to realized what face time
was after I adopted a three year old problem child, my Yorkshire terrier. She was given to me by one of my elderly
clients who just couldn’t handle her anymore.
It was a time when another dog in my life was going to be ok. It wasn’t the dog of my dreams, the future
“win all dog” that I would plan and get one day. She was just going to be another of my
beloved dogs, my kids. I loved her from
the start and of course trained her. She
did quite well considering all the baggage she came with and all was fine. We bonded, or so I thought. I simply went on, training, achieving success
and working on all of her problems. But
things weren’t quite right. I didn’t
know this at the time of course.
I took her to dog camp after having her for several
months. I worked her and showed her off
to all of the other campers and to my mentor, Wendy Volhard. Wendy watched me with her through several
evenings and training sessions. We
chatted about her over coffee and I was complaining about some of the dog’s
baggage and problems. Wendy turned to me
and simply said: you aren’t giving her any “face time.” “Huh?” was my response. You aren’t giving her yourself, she told
me. Let her bond with your face, give
her what she wants and what she needs.
Leaving Wendy that afternoon, I
went back to my room and got my dog out and let her up on my bed. I told her to do something, she did and I
praised her. But this was all normal
stuff I had been doing all along. Then I
picked her up and really got involved with her face, putting mine into hers and
let her lick. But I had done this before
too, but not with my eyes open and communicated with her directly. This may sound sort of silly or
anthropomorphic, but it worked. It was
like she finally was home with me and we were dog with her person from then
on.
I had loved this dog before then,
but I allowed HER to love ME that day. I
look back at my other dogs and I can pinpoint my face time moments with them
too. I hadn’t had a name for it before
that day, but they were face time moments all the same.
I had adopted a dog from the
shelter years before, replacing my only dog at the time that had been killed
too early in life. The dog that had died
was extra special to me because it was my first dog as an adult and we had
moved on to independence together. But
now he was gone and I had this new puppy, who’s only fault was that she wasn’t
him. For months she would go to everyone
but me. I resented this even more. I had taken her to dog training classes in
hopes of turning her into my previous dog.
I even adopted a kitten for her, because then I wouldn’t have to be
hers, the cat could be instead. I again,
loved this dog but there was no real connection. Then one day, holding her on my lap, I bent
down and found her kissing spot between her eyes and her nose. It was the same discovery that day that I had
found with my yorkie years later during our “face time.”
It doesn’t matter what you call it
but you need to give your dog "face time." These are connection moments with your
dog. Don’t just praise your dog, reward
him or her with a ball or a treat, give them real moments of you. Give them your eye contact and your smiles
and your face to lick. Give them winks
and hugs and look for them in a crowd.
The crowd may only be your family, but dogs need their moments with
you alone too.
So every dog needs exercise and
to be healthy to be content. There needs to be
training and social activities with others to allow a dog to be happy. But to make a dog yours and you theirs, you
need to give them “face time.” And
don’t be stingy or feel silly, it’s a necessary part of loving dogs, giving
them you and your face.
