Worth the Price

More time has passed.  It’s been almost 7 months.  I’ve stopped talking about his passing except in a factual way.  Example:  Before I lost Partner………, or:  I have two dogs now, I just lost one to cancer and one to old age.  Yes, that was a big blow at one time, or:  Believe me, I know, I lost one to cancer, too.  It comes up in conversation, especially working at a veterinary clinic and meeting people daily who own dogs.  But, even I know, I have passed the time where people patiently listen to my grief.  That is except inside of me.  It is amazing how in an instant I can burst into tears.  Just boom, there they are.  What is that all about?  I don’t see it coming, sometimes.  A thought will cross my mind and bam, it wells up inside and I just don’t stop it.  It is always in private and it is always not witnessed, except for maybe by my husband.  It is a deep sorrow.  So even though it has been almost 7 months, this time frame of grief, evidently has no time frame.  Drat.  I can feel the smiles start to creep onto my face when I think of a moment passed and shared, but then it changes, so quickly, to sadness and loss, followed by emptiness and tears.  So, I wait for another 7 months to go by.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t sit, deep in despair, not getting out or on with my life.  I am talking about the silent moments inside, the quiet thoughts that pass while life is lived.  So I am sharing a part of those inner thoughts with you.  I hope you understand.  I know that you do or you wouldn’t be here with me, now.  I am sorry for your losses.  They say life is full of loss, but also full of happiness.  It has to be full of happiness and love to be able to know and feel the losses when they come.  If we didn’t have the love and the joy to lose, we wouldn’t know the pain when it is gone.  If I had a choice, I choose the joy to be there, first.  I will bear the loss if that is the cost.  So my conclusion is that my pain, my sorrow, my tears is a tribute to the love and joy of a perfect partnership, a girl and her dog.  I can live with that.